Birthday Weekend

I’ll start off where I finished that always makes good sense,
If I ended where I started i’d use a different tense !
I’d just spent the weekend at my mothers, being pampered like a king,
Receiving the red carpet treatment and all that type of thing.
With a belly full of good food and a suitcase full of treats,
I said bye to the family for at least a couple of weeks.
My TGV arrived on time and I let the common rabble pass,
Since it was my birthday it was first class for my arse !
But less of that I must be succinct since i’ve got so much to tell ;
A very british contingent spent the weekend raising hell.
Some of my best pals came to Paris to help me celebrate
Although the celebrations that we had were a little late.
My birthday was a Wednesday, the definition of midweek,
But this didn’t get me excited or cause me to lose sleep.
What got my full attention was the arrival of O’Callaghan
As far as birthdays go, i’d rather be with no other man.
He arrived quite late on Tuesday, but not too late for a tour,
Aidan only saw three sights but they made him gasp in awe.
Hotel De Ville and Notre Dame with the Eiffel in the distance,
I’m desperate to memorise these sights and i’ll manage with persistence.
Wednesday was low-key, yet the gallery made a fuss,
Jean-Luc treated the staff by forcing Champers down all of us !
Because it had been three years since my last proper drink,
That champagne made my head heavy and made my whole brain shrink.
I became quite clumsy and now that I reminisce,
I realise I wasn’t tipsy but for a while there I was pissed.
Aidan, Amy and Sophie visited me at lunch,
Off we went for falafel and in the sunshine ate our munch.
When I finally finished work and met the whole gang back at mine,
I realised the cheeky buggers had turned my flat in to a shrine !
A shrine to being 21 with balloons and tasteless banners,
And it looked as if all the effort had taken at least 1 quarter of an hour.
Next we decamped to Amy’s who fixed me up a feast,
A tasty homemade lasagne that took two hours to make at least.
So I tucked in to my meal with some very spcial guests,
Rose turned up with two fellas that I had never met.
But we had a laugh and ate good food and toasted to my health,
I raised a glass and smiled and then thought to myself ;
Shit i’m 21.
Thursday meant arrivals ; Renwick and the Vest,
Two of my very good friends, two of the very best.
Graham arrived so early that he went straight to bed,
Well if you were up at 4 o’clock you’d want to rest your head.
Aidan was out adventuring on a mass crusade for culture,
He finds cultivated bits of flesh and picks at them like a vulture.
Perhaps it’s worth highlighting that last comment is ambiguous
I meant it metaphorically but he loves French women, he does.
Once Vesty had arrived and i’d finished at the gallery,
We got ready at the legobox and I opened stuff addressed to me.
Sentimental gifts that made me want to cry,
But that’s enough of that since i’m a really macho guy.
Laurent Garnier played the hits at Social Club that night,
But what got my attention was Aidan’s paler shade of white.
I laughed the whole night long, I danced a merry dance,
Whilst poor old O’Callaghan didn’t really stand a chance.
I had a dance-off with a gay, a contest that I did win,
While Aidan made a friend which was made of porcelain.
Vest, Graham and I loved every single minute,
Apart from that nasty shock of hearing Aidan vomit.
I tried to be a mate and to look after him,
I’ve always thought when a friend is ill, i’d do the right thing.
But when we were in the toilets I faced a real dilemma,
Go dance to my favourite tune or look after my favourite fella.
Could I ditch my helpless friend-would that be in bad taste ?
In favour of a rave to ‘The man with the red face’ ?
What would you have done, had you been in my shoes?
I shamelessly ditched Aidan for that ‘Crispy bacon’ tune.
When the night calmed down and we returned to the legobox,
The deteroriation of Aidan’s health left us in real shock,
While he stayed by the toilet, we perched out on my ledge,
Taking photos from the windowsill or from the roadside edge.
The fours of us eventually managed to squeeze in to my room,
But with little space there was no option but for Vest and I to spoon.
I know exactly what you’re thinking- is there much more to go ?
I’m afraid we’re only halfway through, just to let you know !
Friday was not an early start- no danger of that.
But finally we moved ourselves and got out of the flat.
Sadly Aidan had to go - not feeling his best,
His stomach was still throwing up what he tried to digest.
Now that we were Aidanless we went off to see some sights,
We went up Tour Montparnasse, all 59 flights.
Yeah we had a look and saw most of if not all the city,
Yet it was at the Louvre that we saw something far more pretty.
I’m not talking about paintings, which is normally ‘De Rigeur’
But a gorgeous foreign bird who had an amazing figure.
Renwick grabbed his camera but pulled it out too late,
We were left to look at paintings as that stunning bird escaped.
After a quick change we went to Dorny’s for a pre-drink,
And I was in for a surprise from a nutty Bingley bint!
Hudson had previously told me that she wouldn’t be attending
Oh how naive was I ? She had only been pretending.
She turned up with Lilli and there were others too,
Rory, Allchurch & Faulkner completed my birthday crew.
So off we went to Social Club ; same place a different night.
What with Erol on the decks the music was just right.
In fact I shook the geezer’s hand which was so very sweet,
I have touched the king of cool the man behind ‘geek chic’.
But it’s not the music nor the nightclub that will stay with me,
Instead it’s Dorny’s drunken antics that will haunt my memory!
You would have thought that three whole months would have me well prepared,
But the drunken side of Dorny always gets me running scared.
After struggling to stand, it was decided he go home,
However shortly after leaving he ran off on his own.
Two pretty fruitless hours followed as we tried to track him down,
But in his drunken state he didn’t plan on being found.
At seven in the morning once we’d all but given up,
Dorny rang my mobile still well out of his nut.
It seems he’d come to his senses, and was in a taxi home,
I kept asking myself what he’d been doing all alone.
Turns out he’d received a kicking, courtesy of two French men,
Then he made that classic promise, ‘‘I’l never drink again’’
For our part we were knackered but didn’t go back to my box,
Amy Coates had flown to England and left her keys to all us lot.
So we crashed out in luxury with two comfortable beds.
But rather than share with Vest again I slept on the floor instead.
Saturday was another late affair, we didn’t wake till three,
Before heading out for a meal with Hudson and Lilli.
Time was passing quickly, as it does with friends,
Yet when you find yourself alone-time drags and never ends.
With our dancing socks and shoes thoroughly worn out,
We couldn’t hack another night so we stayed in and messed about.
Graham quickly became a hero on the Nintendo Wii,
Brushing aside opponents with little difficulty.
The early night was needed for we had so much planned,
I jumped in bed with Vest my number one spooning man.
I aimed to show the lads parts of Paris I love and adore,
Not the standard tourist traps I dislike and abhor.
We ended up settling for a little bit of both,
The Eiffel followed Jardin du Luxembourg- the bit I love the most.
But midway through the day the lads went really week,
They saw the ‘‘golden arches’’ and craved something to eat.
We’d met up with the girls by now and Anna Naether also,
On entering McDonalds I said ‘‘I can’t believe you’ve sunk so low’’
I pretended to be offended and claimed ‘‘I don’t eat fast food’’
As I watched them eating I regretted my stubborn mood.
After chilling in the jardin on some lovely steel chairs,
We all decided as a group that we should go elsewhere.
What tourist’s trip’s complete without the Eiffel Tower?
Waiting in a queue for the best part of two hours.
But the trip, the wait, the cost- you forget all of it,
When you see Paris at night well and truly lit.
The city unfolds beneath you and spreads as far as you can see,
And the view is never really captured in shoddy photography.
The final day, Monday, we did the Stade De France,
This was not a lad’s need for Football, this was pure romance.
Most straight, red-blooded males love their football stadia,
But just how impressive it would be, I had no idea.
Tennis-court-sized tv screens large enough for all to see,
And the changing rooms had been designed by Michel Platini.
The players’ tunnel is heated to warm them head to toe,
And the pitch can be transported to let the green grass grow.
In an attempt to be more French we went for a coffee and a fag,
Before the lads obligingly packed the last stuff in to their bags.
The boys left on seperate jet planes and I don’t know when they’ll be back again,
But what a weekend in ‘Paree’ that was funny to the end.
I began the tidy up in mine then Amy’s flat,
And smiled at the times i’d shared with Aid, Graham and Matt.
The tidy up is finished now but some things you can’t erase,
Since all the classic moments leave an indelible trace.

Weeks 11 & 12

Weeks 11 & 12

14.04.08

I decided to get my head down for a week at least,
Since I had an idea that my birthday would be something of a beast.
Getting odd jobs done, relaxing and chilling out,
These are the types of things that Paris life should be about.
I began to feel improvement with my level of French,
Confident enough to develop a rapport with the Patisserie wench.
Every working day I buy a sandwich and sable au pomme,
But one day I mixed it up a bit and asked where she was from,
She told me she’d lived here all her life but the ‘rents came from Normandy
She said she’d learnt to cook all the cakes traditionally.
Recipes passed down the generations, with all their secret tricks,
These treats laid out on display just begging to be picked.
Next day we had a giggle, I didn’t even order.
She’d already picked out what I wanted as she saw me move toward her!
All this makes me feel good, puts a smile on my face,
It makes me feel welcome in this city- not a kid that’s out of place.
Elsewhere in the week I lost some serious culture points.
By recklessly frequenting a dodgy Scottish joint.
I only went to “The Thistle” to watch football but I did it nonetheless!
I might return there for the next leg though I ashamedly confess.
I met up with Anna Naether sometime in the week,
Us, a Brit and a German in the capital of chic.
It’s good to catch up with friends that are in Paris too,
To talk about experiences to see if they agree with you.
Saturday the 5th was set to be a grand, grand day,
We had a pic-nic planned but the weather swept that one away.
So we ate our homemade brownies and set off for the Sacre-Coeur cathedral,
Hoping to watch the sunset amongst tons of cultured people.
We got there just in time to watch a gorgeous glowing sky
Soundtracked by masses of people singing along to Maroon 5
When “she will be loved” began to make my ears bleed,
We decided to descend feeling content and pretty pleased.
Enough time for a change of clothes before setting out for Showcase,
The Count, Sinden & Jahcoozi provided the music for the place.
My ears had, by this time, stopped bleeding but Herve turned it up a little more,
Unleashed some dirty beats and turned my ears red raw.
The second week was busier with lots more friends to see,
Who happened to be in Paris but not particularly to see me.
I met up with Kirsty from Nice and we chatted about old times,
Neither of us that cultured- preferring coke and beer to wine!
Thursday night I went to Rex club with two lovely girls on my arms,
Although they went home together somehow resisting my charms!
But Amy and Katie did invite me round the following evening,
Admittedly not because they fancy me but because of who I’d bring.
That’s right Allchurch was back, he’d returned to the Legobox,
He needs Paris as much as Samson needs his locks.
The weekend was spent in Strasbourg with my brother and my mum,
Family time can be special events and this was definitely one.
Meals out, day trips and being spoilt rotten,
My favourite apple crumble—the taste of which I had forgotten.
All of this of course prepared me for turning 21,
I got all the rest I needed before the carnage had begun…

Week 10

Week 10
30.03.08

You’d think I’d be upset, or a little sad this week,
Memories of Northampton perhaps causing me to weep.
But with a mate visiting me on Friday my mood was always sky high,
Rather than flooded with tears my eyes remained fairly dry.
Work was very slow, time was in no rush,
But this meant I spent all day browsing the internet for stuff.
I don’t mind the quiet days I spend them talking to Yoann,
Who’s as close as it gets to being my French wingman.
He often breaks out in a laugh at something stupid that I’ve said,
I try and brush it off but my face turns scarlet red.
Whether it’s my pronunciation or just a grammar mistake,
My confidence is substituted by embarassment and hate.
But I always have the last laugh because if he goes too far,
I’ll speak nonsense in English and I’ll say it far too fast.
I’ll invent neologisms that he could never understand,
Or just to prove a point I’ll use cockney rhyming slang.
Normally we just have a laugh and piss-taking is rare,
But the odd humbling from time to time helps my French out to be fair.
Allchurch arrived on Friday, we went to a nightclub on a boat,
Batofar’s well known despite being quite remote.
Docked up along the Seine, somewhere in arrondissement 13,
This little boat bobs up and down and is part of the music scene.
We got chatting to some ladies from the United States,
One of them was rather fit but the others weren’t that great!
They told of us America so I cracked an exchange rate joke,
If they’d have hailed from Texas perhaps they’d have slit my throat.
But as it turns out they decided to leave before the minimal began,
Just as well considering they were massive freak folk fans!
Batofar was pretty sweet and a new venue for me,
Although Allchurch is so cool he’d been there previously.
The stereotype of England must be far worse than I thought,
Since once we’d got in the taxi the driver dished out sick bags that he’d brought.
He realised we were English and assumed we would be sick,
The fact that we were both sober meant nothing to this dick!
The following night we were more relaxed and the evening had a different feel,
We returned home after a weird night out and quite an odd ordeal.
But a night with drunkards and gays - will never go to plan,
Especially when Graham Allchurch, is your diminuitive wingman.
A meal in Bastille went slowly, I was told a girl’s life story,
She went from start to finish unconcerned that her life might bore me.
From there we went to a dungeon, a hellhole of a place,
Full of strange dodgy people matched only by their bad music taste.
The night was full of promise, we left for some dirty dubstep,
But arrived in the middle of nowhere at a club I would rather forget.
So we walked down Boulevard Magenta, a street John McClane would rather avoid,
Since it’s packed with tramps and gangsters and a handful of deluded rude boyz.
But we got back safe and sound and tucked in to a bowl of porridge,
And reflected on a wonderful weekend that was quirky if at times horrid!

Back to Blighty

I’m not normally the type to get excited in advance,
I don’t really get hyper or break out in to dance.
Birthday’s come and go, Christmas passes every year,
I’m rarely filled with xmas spirit or lots of birthday cheer.
But all last week was different I kept checking the date,
Perhaps subconsciously I was worried I’d be late.
The week began to drag as I wished for the weekend,
Knowing it would take me home and back to see my friends.
I left Paris for four days for a timely change of scene,
A weekend in Northampton where skies are blue and fields are green.
Four reasons for returning, four people’s birthdays,
Ashley, Bryony, Bruce and my brother James!
A mad and hectic party lasted Friday through til Sun,
And while I may have spent a lot, it just had to be done.
Bryony’s party Friday - a late night out in town,
Who needs a Parisian landscape when you’ve got your pals around ?
We partied hard we partied late, the sun rose before we slept,
But I think it was a special night that Biri won’t forget.
Saturday belonged to my brother as he turned 23,
Poor old sod had a hangover and me for company!
But we caught up a bit - it’s not often I see his face,
Busy lives mean rendez-vous just aren’t that commonplace,
The night brought another party , another 21st,
An occassion for more small talk and to quench my dancing thirst.
Ashley was my prom date many moons ago
So a dance with her at her party was worth returning for alone
A few closet blog readers came out to me that night
Farrow admitted reading this, so hello you ugly shite!
Sorry, just joking Simon - just checking you tell the truth,
I know there’s at least one other reader - watch out i’ll find you too!
But another party, another dance, this time to cheesy tunes,
The DJ was none other than the ‘narcissistic’ Ollie Pugh.
I danced to Luther and MJ and admittedly to Grease,
I can only imagine this went on to keep the parents pleased.
The night ended far too early so we piled back to foghorn’s place,
Craig fell victim to abuse as ‘‘goat’’ was written on his face.
But sam looked after me, kept me sheltered, kept me fed,
Although I spent half the weekend dodging his clothes pegs.
Grand slam Sunday passed without any incident,
It’s lazy days like this for which the Brampton Halt is meant.
Brucey’s and Bryony’s birthdays spent in familiar surroundings
Everybody happy while their wallets take a pounding.
But sometimes you just need to go where everybody knows your name,
As we continue to grow older our favourite local stays the same.
Yet again it was back to Sam’s for barely an hours kip,
Before Robert Turner picked me up for my return trip.
I fell asleep before take off and woke up once we’d arrived,
I’d already collected my luggage before wiping sleep out of my eyes.
I got back to my lego box and slept for one day and a half
Then prepared myself for work as a gallery member of staff.
By Tuesday I was back at work sitting at the desk,
Laughing at facebook photos til it began to hurt my chest!