Bloody hell that’s two months gone and only one to go,
Until I have to move on and to where I still don’t know!
Finding somewhere else by Christmas is priority number one,
Although the date I should have sorted is well and truly gone.
But nevermind that’s standard and part of who I am,
Leaving it to the last minute is my steady back up plan.
But something will come up, it always has before,
Which is why I’m not screaming out I can’t take this anymore.
This week at work’s been humbling, no more compliments or praise,
They had me packing envelopes to fill up half my days.
This might be a plan, to stop me getting too big for my boots,
But do they know who they’re dealing with? I’m a journalist of some repute!
Monday was spent on Excel, filling in tables for my boss,
I even thought about striking to get my point across.
How could they treat me like this? I’m the best journalist they’ve got,
I’m the treat at the end of the rainbow, I’m the f*****g honey pot!
Maybe they thought I was getting arrogant after being published in the press,
But I’m far too clever to let that happen, is what I would suggest.
Tuesday things were back to normal which suits me just fine,
If they dare do that again, I’ll leave them for the Times!
Now, of course, I’m only joking, I’m not getting carried away,
How could I seriously boast when I’m part time and on no pay?
In other news, things are sweet, I’ve discovered Hi hotel,
An amazing hotel bar concept that makes Wayne’s (week 4) look like hell
Above all else the music’s good, and the décor’s a work of art,
And I finally found a DJ that didn’t remind me of Pat Sharp.
Yes I really meant that, I didn’t just use him for the rhyme,
All DJs here have shocking hair and all use corny lines.
There isn’t really a dance floor and it’s not supposed to be a club,
But since there’s nowhere else to go apart from the world’s most despicable pub,
I’ll treat it like it’s Pacha or a warehouse near Uni
And enjoy the music as if it’s 1973 (James Blunt reference just for Cad)
Other ‘goings on’ have gone on here in France,
Apart from work and my tired quest to find somewhere to dance.
An unprovoked Frenchman attacked a friend of mine,
He kneed her in the stomach, it was pretty out of line.
I’d love to tell you all that I acted hard and tough,
But true to the little wimp I am I was giggling too much!
Maybe, had it been serious, I would have taught a bloke a thing or two,
Shown him why I’m feared from here to Timbuktu,
Told him Karate kicking’s no way to treat any girl at all
Even if she’s American and doesn’t understand Football!
He was a very messed up man, not the kind you’d like to meet,
After attacking her he pirouetted, then ran off down the street!
He obviously found his pleasure in hallucinogenic drugs,
Which made him believe that he was Bruce Lee or at least a Triad thug.
I really wish I’d hit him, since Katie’s pretty cool,
She didn’t deserve her Karate chop from the random homeless fool.
If you haven’t heard of her, she’s left a comment on this page,
She’s here living in Nice and she’s about my age.
As you’ll see from her comment, she thinks ‘heart’s a verb but not a noun,
Just like all Americans she brings the language standard down.
The only other thing that’s worthy of me telling you,
Is that a trip to the hairdressers did not go very smooth.
I don’t know the French for mullet so there’s no way I could have said,
“I really want a mullet to dangle from my head”
At no point did I ask to look like a dodgy Russian kid,
But that’s precisely what the French Hairdresser did!
It’s fair to say my hair vocab isn’t up to scratch,
But there’s no reason for him to leave me looking like a rat.
It’s not that bad, I exaggerate just to make you smile,
But he gave me the beginnings of a mullet that’s growing all the while.
Friday, 30 November 2007
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Alf
A very quick mention to Alf, who replied to my last little note,
I loved it and yes I was jealous of most, if not all that you wrote.
I’m gutted I missed Barcelona-just like I’ll miss lots of 21sts
But that’s why this year is a gift as well as a bit of a curse.
I hate to miss things, as you know, but I’d rather not be in the dark,
So keep filling me in with your news not necessarily with this poetry lark!
Whether with our mates at Manchester Uni, on your nights at the Warehouse Project
Or just your day to day misdemeanours, and the nights that you’ll never forget.
But while this poem is personal it’s kind of meant for all,
Whether it’s a poem, or a letter or a post left on my wall.
I love to hear your news and smile when I receive it,
So keep that all in mind next time you have a minute,
And think of me your friend, dear old Fraser Mac
Get in touch with me and make me a happy chap!
I loved it and yes I was jealous of most, if not all that you wrote.
I’m gutted I missed Barcelona-just like I’ll miss lots of 21sts
But that’s why this year is a gift as well as a bit of a curse.
I hate to miss things, as you know, but I’d rather not be in the dark,
So keep filling me in with your news not necessarily with this poetry lark!
Whether with our mates at Manchester Uni, on your nights at the Warehouse Project
Or just your day to day misdemeanours, and the nights that you’ll never forget.
But while this poem is personal it’s kind of meant for all,
Whether it’s a poem, or a letter or a post left on my wall.
I love to hear your news and smile when I receive it,
So keep that all in mind next time you have a minute,
And think of me your friend, dear old Fraser Mac
Get in touch with me and make me a happy chap!
Week 7
I’m still on a high, this week’s been rather great,
Thanks to ‘Stelios’ I got to see an old, old mate.
The days at work went by without too much going wrong,
Although France’s favourite hobby-Striking-is going on.
A thirty minute bus ride turned in to 1hr 45,
I wasn’t sure if the woman next to me had gone to sleep or died!
I refrained from poking her, I wasn’t sure how it’d be construed,
Concern for an elderly lady, plain dirty or just rude.
For an unknown reason our boiler has packed up,
The radiator’s work but the shower does my nut.
At best the water’s tepid at worst it’s pretty baltic,
At any rate the temperature gage does nothing to control it.
But Bruce came out to see me and I showed him round the place,
I can’t tell you how good it was to see his ugly face.
For those of you that don’t know Bruce is one of my oldest friends,
It’s a shame there aren’t more people like him around these ends.
I showed Brucie all the nightlife but that only took an hour,
So far I’d subjected him to bad music and a piss-poor awful shower.
I was beginning to wonder what else could go ‘topsy-turvy’
Then I realised we’d have to take buses not trains which meant far, far longer journeys!
But not to be outdone and never to be defeated,
I took the lad to Monte-Carlo, which was just what was needed.
Yeah we admired the Ferraris, the Jaguars and Bentleys,
But the sight of a rusty old Escort, made us laugh a plenty.
We both agreed while Monaco’s sweet, it’s full of such pretence,
Being seen in tracksuit trousers is a criminal offence.
I’m not condoning being a Chav, or saying we shouldn’t look smart,
But using appearances as a metaphor to explain how snobbery’s become an art.
Here it’s all about money, assets and value and worth.
No-one here cares about much if it can’t get you status on Earth.
I just want to know, why they eat in overpriced restaurants inside?
When I was content and happy to eat sandwiches watching the tide.
Why do these jokers waste time, with pompous, contrived etiquette,
When they could get out and watch the sunrise or stay out and watch the sunset?
Thanks to ‘Stelios’ I got to see an old, old mate.
The days at work went by without too much going wrong,
Although France’s favourite hobby-Striking-is going on.
A thirty minute bus ride turned in to 1hr 45,
I wasn’t sure if the woman next to me had gone to sleep or died!
I refrained from poking her, I wasn’t sure how it’d be construed,
Concern for an elderly lady, plain dirty or just rude.
For an unknown reason our boiler has packed up,
The radiator’s work but the shower does my nut.
At best the water’s tepid at worst it’s pretty baltic,
At any rate the temperature gage does nothing to control it.
But Bruce came out to see me and I showed him round the place,
I can’t tell you how good it was to see his ugly face.
For those of you that don’t know Bruce is one of my oldest friends,
It’s a shame there aren’t more people like him around these ends.
I showed Brucie all the nightlife but that only took an hour,
So far I’d subjected him to bad music and a piss-poor awful shower.
I was beginning to wonder what else could go ‘topsy-turvy’
Then I realised we’d have to take buses not trains which meant far, far longer journeys!
But not to be outdone and never to be defeated,
I took the lad to Monte-Carlo, which was just what was needed.
Yeah we admired the Ferraris, the Jaguars and Bentleys,
But the sight of a rusty old Escort, made us laugh a plenty.
We both agreed while Monaco’s sweet, it’s full of such pretence,
Being seen in tracksuit trousers is a criminal offence.
I’m not condoning being a Chav, or saying we shouldn’t look smart,
But using appearances as a metaphor to explain how snobbery’s become an art.
Here it’s all about money, assets and value and worth.
No-one here cares about much if it can’t get you status on Earth.
I just want to know, why they eat in overpriced restaurants inside?
When I was content and happy to eat sandwiches watching the tide.
Why do these jokers waste time, with pompous, contrived etiquette,
When they could get out and watch the sunrise or stay out and watch the sunset?
Week 6
This last week has been hectic and has really run me down,
Researching articles has had me running all around.
While money in the bank account means I can go out and play,
A busy, busy office means a longer working day.
Last weekend in Cannes I did the tourist things with friends,
Where gorgeous sandy beaches stretch from end to end.
We went to île st Marguerite an island off the coast,
One of a group of three that were 30 mins away at most.
But sightseeing can’t last if I want to keep my job,
And it was back to work on Monday to write news articles for snobs.
All in all a good week that ended in bad health,
Turning ill reminded me to take care of myself.
Monday night I ended up watching an International football team,
But, they’re more Ebbsfleet united than Arsenal if you understand what I mean.
An Irish pub team in Cannes formed an elite group of football mad blokes,
I was sent to report on their football-which if I’m honest is a bit of a joke!
If matches were won by who’s nicest, this team would be top of the league,
But it’s not and they lost 8-1 in a manner that even shocked me!
The story was good enough to appear in this month’s Riviera Times,
In fact I’m in it a lot which is clearly a good sign.
Perhaps due to the downturn in weather, which has gone from mild to freezing,
I caught a shitty illness, which gave me symptoms like headaches and sneezing.
I don’t want to go in to depth, because it’s really not polite,
But this nasty little bug did no favours for my ….. (sorry mum)!
So for my days off I was pretty damn useless and stayed on the sofa all day,
But thankfully I had Jack Bauer, who makes James Bond look feeble and gay.
24 put me in my place and gave context to my situation,
I had a bit of a cold, whilst California faced nuclear devastation!
So I decided to risk it and go out and see some friends,
Besides, watching consecutive episodes meant I had already reached the end.
By Saturday I felt alright, I was backup on my feet,
Just as well since I came in for a very special treat.
One of the Irish pub footballers-his name is Joost-he’s dutch
Said, “do you want to come to watch Monaco?” I sad, “yes thanks very much”!
He took me there, he drove me back and the ticket was completely free
If I hadn’t known better I’d have said he fancied me!
The bloke’s a real legend and the game was quite a treat.
But there’s far more atmosphere at the Monaco homeless meet and greet.
Monaco is full of people who’d rather be at the port,
Which shows fans can come and go but supporters can’t be bought.
To top off this very strange weekend, I went out for a Sunday roast,
But if would have turned out better if I’d have gone for jam on toast.
I’ve never had a roast without the Yorkshire puds,
A vital ingredient that makes the feast so good.
No cranberry sauce or bread sauce, the vegetables were a farce
The gravy looked and tasted as if it came out the head chef’s …….(sorry mum)
But never mind I’ll live and learn and get on with my week,
Unlike Jack Bauer’s enemies, for whom the future’s rather bleak.
Researching articles has had me running all around.
While money in the bank account means I can go out and play,
A busy, busy office means a longer working day.
Last weekend in Cannes I did the tourist things with friends,
Where gorgeous sandy beaches stretch from end to end.
We went to île st Marguerite an island off the coast,
One of a group of three that were 30 mins away at most.
But sightseeing can’t last if I want to keep my job,
And it was back to work on Monday to write news articles for snobs.
All in all a good week that ended in bad health,
Turning ill reminded me to take care of myself.
Monday night I ended up watching an International football team,
But, they’re more Ebbsfleet united than Arsenal if you understand what I mean.
An Irish pub team in Cannes formed an elite group of football mad blokes,
I was sent to report on their football-which if I’m honest is a bit of a joke!
If matches were won by who’s nicest, this team would be top of the league,
But it’s not and they lost 8-1 in a manner that even shocked me!
The story was good enough to appear in this month’s Riviera Times,
In fact I’m in it a lot which is clearly a good sign.
Perhaps due to the downturn in weather, which has gone from mild to freezing,
I caught a shitty illness, which gave me symptoms like headaches and sneezing.
I don’t want to go in to depth, because it’s really not polite,
But this nasty little bug did no favours for my ….. (sorry mum)!
So for my days off I was pretty damn useless and stayed on the sofa all day,
But thankfully I had Jack Bauer, who makes James Bond look feeble and gay.
24 put me in my place and gave context to my situation,
I had a bit of a cold, whilst California faced nuclear devastation!
So I decided to risk it and go out and see some friends,
Besides, watching consecutive episodes meant I had already reached the end.
By Saturday I felt alright, I was backup on my feet,
Just as well since I came in for a very special treat.
One of the Irish pub footballers-his name is Joost-he’s dutch
Said, “do you want to come to watch Monaco?” I sad, “yes thanks very much”!
He took me there, he drove me back and the ticket was completely free
If I hadn’t known better I’d have said he fancied me!
The bloke’s a real legend and the game was quite a treat.
But there’s far more atmosphere at the Monaco homeless meet and greet.
Monaco is full of people who’d rather be at the port,
Which shows fans can come and go but supporters can’t be bought.
To top off this very strange weekend, I went out for a Sunday roast,
But if would have turned out better if I’d have gone for jam on toast.
I’ve never had a roast without the Yorkshire puds,
A vital ingredient that makes the feast so good.
No cranberry sauce or bread sauce, the vegetables were a farce
The gravy looked and tasted as if it came out the head chef’s …….(sorry mum)
But never mind I’ll live and learn and get on with my week,
Unlike Jack Bauer’s enemies, for whom the future’s rather bleak.
Friday, 9 November 2007
Week 5
Money makes the world go round but can also make it stop
Having none or little means I can hardly do a lot!
Adapting to a budget forces one to do things another way,
Which can have a very negative impact on a normal routine day.
A cheaper bus which makes me late starts the week badly
And lack of funds confines me to nights of French t.v.
But what do they say, is it "the best things in life are free"?
So I borrowed the second season of Grey's Anatomy.
This resscued me from TF1 or M6 or Canal Plus,
Or TMC and ARTE for which I have no use!
But watching DVDs when Nice is right outside
Is such a crying shame and a real waste of time.
So Thursday night I went out and splashed out on a coke
I stayed out economically using just a 5 euro note!
Friday was even cheaper I didn't even spend a cent,
Perhpas it's for this that the clichéd term is meant!
Both nights were spent with friends, both nights were real good fun,
I barely spent a penny and didn' steal from anyone.
Saturday I went mental and went to Monaco
I guess if you wanted to save money it's where you wouldn't plan to go!
But I can't be a tight arse forever, my buttocks would get sore,
Besides it's only 4 euros 80 for what the french call an "aller retour"
So Monaco on a budget meant walking lots and lots
The place has a charming beauty and plenty of tourist spots
The Grand Prix circuit's Spelugue bends or the casino in the town
Japanes tourists filmed so much they wore their camera batteries down!
Bentleys are ten a penny, Skodas and Ladas are not
You're classed as poor if you don't own a million dollar yacht.
But money isn't everything, it's not guaranteed to make me smile,
Unlike speaking to good friends I haven't heard from in a while
I can already hear you saying, "Fraser has turned soft"
Go on, go ahead, laugh and joke and scoff
But have you ever had a phone call or a letter in your postbox
When you're constantly afraid of being the lad your friends forgot?
Now i'm being quite dramatic, perhaps I should tone it down,
Being i'm mistaken for a gay and the "sisters" come around!
But anyway i'm babbling and time is getting on,
Perhpas it's about time that I end this one,
I'll leave you with some good news, my money's just come through
Out the red and in the black, and i've now got so much to do.
First things first- a haircut and maybe some new threads
But I need to find a good "Coiffeuse" since here the mullet's not quite dead!
Having none or little means I can hardly do a lot!
Adapting to a budget forces one to do things another way,
Which can have a very negative impact on a normal routine day.
A cheaper bus which makes me late starts the week badly
And lack of funds confines me to nights of French t.v.
But what do they say, is it "the best things in life are free"?
So I borrowed the second season of Grey's Anatomy.
This resscued me from TF1 or M6 or Canal Plus,
Or TMC and ARTE for which I have no use!
But watching DVDs when Nice is right outside
Is such a crying shame and a real waste of time.
So Thursday night I went out and splashed out on a coke
I stayed out economically using just a 5 euro note!
Friday was even cheaper I didn't even spend a cent,
Perhpas it's for this that the clichéd term is meant!
Both nights were spent with friends, both nights were real good fun,
I barely spent a penny and didn' steal from anyone.
Saturday I went mental and went to Monaco
I guess if you wanted to save money it's where you wouldn't plan to go!
But I can't be a tight arse forever, my buttocks would get sore,
Besides it's only 4 euros 80 for what the french call an "aller retour"
So Monaco on a budget meant walking lots and lots
The place has a charming beauty and plenty of tourist spots
The Grand Prix circuit's Spelugue bends or the casino in the town
Japanes tourists filmed so much they wore their camera batteries down!
Bentleys are ten a penny, Skodas and Ladas are not
You're classed as poor if you don't own a million dollar yacht.
But money isn't everything, it's not guaranteed to make me smile,
Unlike speaking to good friends I haven't heard from in a while
I can already hear you saying, "Fraser has turned soft"
Go on, go ahead, laugh and joke and scoff
But have you ever had a phone call or a letter in your postbox
When you're constantly afraid of being the lad your friends forgot?
Now i'm being quite dramatic, perhaps I should tone it down,
Being i'm mistaken for a gay and the "sisters" come around!
But anyway i'm babbling and time is getting on,
Perhpas it's about time that I end this one,
I'll leave you with some good news, my money's just come through
Out the red and in the black, and i've now got so much to do.
First things first- a haircut and maybe some new threads
But I need to find a good "Coiffeuse" since here the mullet's not quite dead!
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